2nd Open Letter to Prime Minister by prominent citizens of India

We support the need for the urgent passage of a well-crafted Lokpal Bill by Parliament. While Parliament debates the contours of the Lokpal Bill, the discussion of the details now resides with the Parliamentary Standing Committee on Law and Justice.

We, however, believe that the Lokpal Bill is only one small but critical step in the national task of weeding out the plague of corruption in India.

This draft Lokpal Bill is intended to address episodic corruption, but is unlikely to have any significant impact on the day-to-day corruption which is insidious and demeaning.

We, the people, the common individual, seem to have no recourse in our daily life which is vitiated by corruption in almost every sphere of our normal dealings. Almost every interface of the common man with public officials is impaired by corruption, especially in the most routine transactions, such as the grant of ‘pattas’, issuing of birth/death certificates, utility connections and availing of entitlements amongst several others.

Similar cases of continuous daily harassment are widely faced by small and medium scale enterprises (SMEs) and numerous services and manufacturing entities.

The group wishes to put forward some issues which call for urgent attention and action to make reforms effective and have a positive and perceptible impact on citizens’ day-to-day life.

1. The common man (the poor bear the greatest burden) is a silent sufferer because available constitutional remedies remain inaccessible. Several antiquated laws require urgent overhaul to reflect contemporary realities. Land, judicial, electoral and police reforms are most urgently needed. Key recommendations and draft legislation on most of these issues are already in the public domain.

It is imperative, however, that legislative reforms be constructively and constitutionally debated in a time-bound and orderly manner and not in uncivil and hostile environments. Disruption, both in Parliament and outside is socially debilitating and erodes public confidence.

2. It is acknowledged that a strong nexus exists between certain corporates, politicians, bureaucrats and power brokers. This is one of the greatest threats for the Indian economy. It may be worth mentioning that the United Kingdom, in July 2011, enacted the ‘The Bribery Act, 2010′. The Act makes it illegal to offer, receive and fail to prevent bribery and extends culpability to the highest levels in an accused corporation. Only if timely and punitive action is taken against both, the giver as well as the receiver of the bribe, will the fight against ground level corruption be won effectively.

3. Even the best crafted legislation will not cleanse the system unless effective redressal mechanisms are put in place. This, however, is not possible given the acute backlog of cases pending in the courts, estimated at over 3.1 crore (31 million). India has 10 judges per million population compared to 50 in the UK and 107 in the United States. The adage of ‘justice delayed is justice denied’ is the key reason why the common man is unable to fight against corruption. It is imperative to increase the number of judges and other judicial officers, modernise infrastructure and implement judicial reforms such as creating additional fast-track, specialised courts.

4. While we appreciate and support the need for environmental protection, it should be recognised that there is an impasse on environmental clearances which continues to delay several investment proposals and hamper economic growth. Among other measures, it is worthwhile considering the introduction of an on-line auction process for allocation of natural resources which will provide the much needed transparency and prevent discretionary and irregular practices. Owing to several such impediments, fresh investments are not forthcoming at the pace required for a rapidly growing economy such as ours. Policy uncertainties and delays in approvals are forcing many large corporate entities to seek out opportunities in other geographies.

We wholeheartedly endorse Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh’s statement that economic progress must not be hijacked by internal dissensions. 

Therefore, India’s focus must remain steadfast on economic reforms and growth in order to reduce poverty and ensure adequate job creation.

These national challenges cannot be solved by urban protests and posturing.

We are working with a group of professionals who have been specially commissioned by us to study issues of governance and public accountability. The results of this study, when completed, will be made available to parliamentary committees as may be appropriate when these issues are discussed.

We wish to reiterate that through urgent and concerted action by the elected leaders of our country, positive transformation can begin to be achieved.

Signed

N Vaghul, Deepak Parekh, Dr Ashok Ganguly, Jamshyd Godrej, Justice Sam Variava, Prof M Narasimham , Yezdi Malegam, Anu Aga, Dr A Vaidyanathan, Dr Bimal Jalan, Keshub Mahindra, Azim Premji, Nachiket Mor, Justice B N Srikrishna

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The loot

This is making rounds by email forwards. I do not know the author or if the facts are all true. But all the same for your reading pleasure:

What was Rajiv Gandhi’s fatal error in politics? It does not need a seer to say that it was his claim to honesty — branding himself as ‘Mr Clean’ — that proved fatal to him. Indira Gandhi was his contrast. Asked about corruption in her government, she said nonchalantly, ‘it was a global phenomenon’. This was in 1983. An honest Delhi High Court judge even lamented how could corruption be controlled when someone holding such a high position had almost rationalised it. The result,no one could ever charge Indira Gandhi with corruption, because she never claimed to be clean. But, ambitious to look ideal, Rajiv proclaimed honesty and so provoked scrutiny; in contrast, Indira, opting to be practical, immunised herself against scrutiny. Eventually, Rajiv’s claim to honesty became the very cross on which he was crucified in the 1989 elections when the Bofors gun shot the
Congress out of power. The lesson to the political class was: don’t claim to be honest, if you really are not so. The hard lesson seems forgotten now by the Gandhi family itself. Sonia Gandhi, instead of following Indira’s safe path, is wrongly caught on Rajiv’s risky steps. The consequences seem to be ominous. Will the politics of 1987 to 1989 repeat?

Following Rajiv and forgetting Indira, Sonia Gandhi proclaimed ‘zero tolerance’ to corruption at a party rally in Allahabad in November 2010. She repeated it at the Congress plenary in Delhi weeks later. Asking the cadre to take the corrupt head on, she said that her party was ‘prompt’ in acting against the corrupt; ‘never spared the corrupt’ because corruption impedes development’. This was almost how Rajiv Gandhi spoke in the Congress centenary in Mumbai 25 years ago. Two crucial differences marked Rajiv away from Sonia. First, when Rajiv claimed to be ‘Mr Clean’, he had no scams to defend against. But,
Sonia claims to be honest amidst huge and continuing scams — CWG, Adarsh, 2G Spectrum allocation scam…. Next, Rajiv had a clean slate to begin with, with no known skeletons in his cupboard till the Bofors scam smashed his ‘Mr Clean’ image. In contrast, Sonia’s slate is full of credible exposures of bribes and pay-offs in billions of dollars secreted in Swiss bank accounts, not counting Quattrocchi’s millions from Bofors. To make it worse, for almost two decades now, she has not dared to deny the exposures or sue the famous Swiss magazine or the Russian investigative journalist who had put out evidence of bribe against the Sonia family. Seen against this background, Sonia’s vow to act against the corrupt seems like a suspect hooting ‘catch the thief’ and scooting away. This is the main story that unfolds here.

$2.2 billions to 11 billions!

A stunning exposure on Sonia Gandhi’s secret billions in Swiss banks came, surprisingly, from Switzerland itself, where the world’s corrupt stash away their booty. In its issue of November 19, 1991, Schweizer Illustrierte, the most popular magazine of Switzerland, did an exposé of over a dozen politicians of the third world, including Rajiv Gandhi, who had stashed away their bribe monies in Swiss banks. Schweizer Illustrierte, not a rag, sells some 2,15,000 copies and has a readership of 9,17,000 — almost a sixth of Swiss adult population. Citing the newly opened KGB records, the magazine reported ‘that Sonia Gandhi the widow of the former Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi was controlling secret account with 2.5 billion Swiss Francs (equal to $2.2 billion) in her minor son’s name’. The $2.2 billion account must have existed from before June 1988 when Rahul Gandhi attained
majority. The loot in today’s rupee value equals almost Rs 10,000 crore. Swiss banks invest and multiply the clients’ monies, not keep them buried. Had it been invested in safe long-term securities, the $.2.2 billion bribe would have multiplied to $9.41 billion (Rs 42,345 crore) by 2009. If it had been put in US stocks, it would have swelled to $12.97 billion (Rs 58,365 crore). If, as most likely, it were invested in long-term bonds and stocks as 50:50, it would have grown to $11.19 billion (Rs 50,355 crore). Before the global financial meltdown in 2008, the $2.2 billion bribes in stocks would have peaked at $18.66 billion (Rs 83,900 crore). By any calculation the present size of the $2.2 billion secret funds of the family in Swiss banks seems huge — anywhere between Rs 43,000 plus to some Rs 84,000 crore!

KGB papers

The second exposé, emanating from the archives of the Russian spy outfit KGB, is far more serious. It says that the Gandhi family has accepted political pay-offs from the KGB — a clear case of treason besides bribe. In her book The State Within a State: The KGB and its Hold on Russia-Past, Present, and Future, Yevgenia Albats, an acclaimed investigative journalist, says: “A letter signed by Victor Chebrikov, who replaced Andropov as the KGB head in 1982 noted: ‘the USSR KGB maintains contact with the son of the Premier Minister Rajiv Gandhi (of India). R Gandhi expresses deep gratitude for the benefits accruing to the Prime Minister’s family from the commercial dealings of the firm he controls in co-operation with the Soviet foreign trade organisations. R Gandhi reports confidentially that a substantial portion of the funds obtained through this channel are used to support the party of R Gandhi’.” (p.223). Albats has also disclosed that, in December 2005, KGB chief Victor Chebrikov had asked for authorisation from the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, “to make payments in US dollars to the family members of Rajiv Gandhi, namely Sonia Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi and Ms Paola Maino, mother of Sonia
Gandhi.” And even before Albats’ book came out the Russian media had leaked out the details of the pay-offs. Based on the leaks, on July 4, 1992, The Hindu had reported: “the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service admits the possibility that the KGB could have been involved in arranging profitable Soviet contract for the company controlled by Rajiv Gandhi family”.

Indian media

Rajiv Gandhi’s sad demise delayed the Swiss and Russian exposé on Sonia being picked up here. But Indian media’s interest in it actually coincided with Sonia Gandhi assuming leadership of the Congress. A G Noorani, a well-known columnist, had reported on both Schweizer Illustrierte and Albats’ exposés in Statesman (December 31, 1988). Subramanian Swamy had put out the photocopies of the pages of Schweizer Illustrierte and Albats’ book in his website along with the mail of the Swiss magazine dated February 23, 2002 confirming that in its article of November 1991 it had named Rajiv Gandhi with a total of Swiss Franc 2.5 billion ($2.2 billion) in secret account; it had also offered to supply a original copy of the magazine to Swamy. (See: http://www.janataparty.org/annexures/ann10p43.html) These facts were again recalled in my article in The New Indian Express (April 29, 2009) written in response to Sonia Gandhi speech at Mangalore (April 27, 2009) declaring that, “the Congress was taking steps to address the issue of untaxed Indian money in Swiss banks”. The article had questioned her about her family’s corrupt wealth in Swiss banks in the context of her vow to bring back the monies stashed away abroad.

Rajinder Puri, a reputed journalist, has also earlier written on the KGB disclosures in his column on August 15, 2006. Recently, in India Today (December 27, 2010) the redoubtable Ram Jethmalani has referred to the Swiss exposé, asking where is that money now? So the Indian media too has repeatedly published the details of the secret billions of the Gandhi family investigated by the Swiss and Russian journalists. Amal Datta (CPI(M)) had raised the $2.2 billion issue in Parliament on December 7, 1991, but Speaker Shivraj Patil expunged the Gandhi name from the proceedings!

Self-incriminating

But, what has been the response of Sonia or Rahul, major after June 1988, to the investigation by Schweizer Illustrierte and Albats and to the Indian media’s repeated references to their investigation? It can be summed up in one word: Silence. Thus, apart from the exposés, the deafening silence of the Gandhis itself constitutes the most damaging and self-incriminating evidence of the family’s guilt. When Schweizer Illustrierte alleged that Sonia had held Rajiv Gandhi’s bribes in Rahul’s name in Swiss banks, neither she nor the son, protested, or sued the magazine, then or later; nor did they sue A G Noorani or Statesman when they repeated it in 1998, or later; nor would they sue Subramanian Swamy when he put it on his website in 2002; neither did they sue me, or the Express when the article was carried in April 2009. When major papers, The Hindu and The Times of India included, had carried the expose on KGB payments in the year 1992 itself adding that the Russian government was embarrassed by the disclosures, neither of the Gandhis challenged or sued them; nor did they sue Yevgenia Albats when she wrote about KGB payments to Rajiv Gandhi in 1994. Neither did they act against  Swamy when he put Albats’ book pages on his website or when Rajinder Puri, a well-known journalist, wrote about it in his column on August 15, 2006. However, a feeble but proxy suit was filed by Sonia loyalists to defend her reputation when Albats’ exposé was made part of the full-page advertisement in The New York Times in 2007 issued by some NRIs to ‘unmask’ Sonia to the US audience, as they claimed. The suit was promptly dismissed by a US court because Sonia herself did not dare file the suit. Shockingly even that suit did not challenge the $2.2 billion Swiss account at all!

Imagine that the report in Schweizer Illustrierte or in Albats book was false and Sonia Gandhi did not have those billions in secret accounts in Rahul Gandhi’s name or the family was not paid for its service to the KGB as alleged. How would they, as honest and outraged people, have reacted? Like how Morarji Desai, then retired and old at 87, responded in anger when, Seymour Hersh, a Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist, had mentioned in his book that Morarji Desai was a ‘paid’ CIA mole in the Indian Cabinet. Morarji Desai forthwith filed a libel suit. Commenting in The American Spectator, Rael Jean Isaac wrote in 2004, five years after Morarji Desai had passed away, that Hersh habitually indulged in character assassination; and in his attempt to do down Henry Kissinger, Morarji Desai became the victim. Isaac added that Desai, 87, calling it a “sheer mad story”, reacted in outrage with a libel suit seeking $50 million in damages. When the suit came up, as Desai, 93, was too ill to travel to US, Kissinger testified on Desai’s behalf, flatly contradicted Hersh’s charge and stated that Desai had no connection to the CIA. That is how even retired and old persons, honest and so offended and outraged, would act. But see the self-incriminating contrast, the complete absence of such outrage, in Sonia, who is reigning as the chairperson of the UPA
now, neither retired or tired like the nonagenarian Morarji Desai, being just 41 when the story broke out in Schweizer Illustrierte.

Imagine, not Sonia or Rahul, but Advani or Modi had figured in the exposés of Schweizer Illustrierte or Albats. What would the media not have done to nail them? What would the government of Sonia not have done to fix them?
 
Rs 20.80 lakh-crore loot

The billions of the Gandhi family being both bribes and monies stashed away in Swiss banks, they are inextricably linked to the larger issue of bringing back the huge national wealth stashed abroad. All world nations, except India, are mad after their black wealth secreted in Swiss and like banks. But India has shown little enthusiasm to track the illicit funds of Indians in Swiss and other banks. Why such reticence?

When during the run-up to the 2009 Lok Sabha elections, the BJP leader L K Advani promised to bringing back, if voted to power, Indian monies estimated between $500 billion and $1.4 trillion stashed abroad, the Congress first denied that there was such Indian money outside. But when the issue began gathering momentum, Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi had to do damage control and promise that the Congress too would bring back the national wealth secreted abroad. Global Financial Integrity (GFI), a non-profit institution working against global black funds, has recently estimated that the Indian wealth secreted away is about $462 billion, approximately equal to Rs 20.80 lakh-crore. The GFI says that more than two-thirds of it was looted away under the liberalisation regime. This is what the GFI says about the character of the loot: “From 1948 through 2008, India lost a total of $213 billion in illicit financial flows (or illegal capital flight)” through “tax evasion, corruption, bribery and kickbacks, and criminal activities”. Does one need a seer to say under what head would the $2.2 billion in Sonia family’s secret account (which would have grown to $9 to $13 billion by now) fall? But accretions, if any, from the loot in 2G and CWG where the numbers are even bigger are not still accounted. Now comes the more critical, yet practical issue. When the Sonia Gandhi family is among the suspects who have secreted away monies abroad, how will it affect the efforts to bring back the wealth stashed away by others?

Looters safe

Just a couple of examples will demonstrate how the government is unwilling to go after Indian money secreted abroad. As early as February 2008 the German authorities had collected information about illegal money kept by citizens of different countries in Lichtenstein bank. The German finance minister offered to provide the names of the account holders to any government interested in the names of its citizens. There were media reports that some 250 Indian names were found in the Lichtenstein Bank list. Yet, despite the open offer from Germany to provide the details, the UPA-II government has never showed interest in the Indian accounts in Lichtenstein Bank. The Times of India reported that “the ministry of finance and PMO have, however, not shown much interest in finding out about those who have their lockers on the secret banks of Liechtenstein which prides itself in
its banking system”. But under mounting pressure the Indian government asked for details not under the open offer but strategically under India’s tax treaty with Germany. What is the difference? Under the tax treaty the information received would have to be kept confidential; but, if it were received openly, it can be disclosed to the public. Is any further evidence needed to prove that the government is keen to see that the names of Indians who had secreted monies abroad are not disclosed?

The second is the sensational case of Hasan Ali, the alleged horse-breeder of Pune, who was found to have operated Swiss accounts involving over Rs 1.5 lakh-crore. The income tax department has levied a tax of Rs 71,848 crore on him for concealing Indian income secreted in Swiss accounts. This case is being buried now. The request sent to the Swiss government was deliberately made faulty to ensure that the Swiss would not provide details. Some big names in the ruling circles are reportedly linked to Hasan Ali. That explains why the government would not deepen the probe. It is Hasan Alis and the like who transport through hawala the bribes of the corrupt from India. If Hasan Ali is exposed, the corrupt will stand naked. This is how the hawala trader and the corrupt in India are mixed-up.

Is it too much to conclude that thanks to Sonia family’s suspected billions in Swiss accounts the system cannot freely probe the $462 billion looted from India at all? Tail-pieces: The total wealth of both Gandhis, as per their election returns, is just Rs 363 lakh, Sonia owning no car. Sonia lamented on November 19, 2010, that graft and greed are on the rise in India!! Rahul said on December 19, 2010, that severe punishment should be given to the corrupt!!!

Amen.

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New Indian Monetary System

Here is contribution from Ranjan:

With India’s economy booming a emergent need has been felt to introduce new units of currency to give shape and direction to the economy. Lacs and Crores simply do not cut the ice any more and are oh so cumber some!! So Many zeros to handle. Now that Indian economic power is to be talked of in lacs of crores we need new units of counting and currency denominations. As part of Globalisation, one unit which works best is $Bn, which makes it easier for all to benchmark against their local systems

But for India another simpler system also emerges:

New Units of Money

The huge amounts mentioned in the recent scams have an upside: they have given us convenient new units for communicating large figures:
Rs.1,000 crores= 1 Radia
Rs.10,000 crores= 1 Kalmadi
Rs.1,00,000 crores= 1 Raja

This will make it easier for us to easier to comprehend and communicate large numbers. For example:
Anil Ambani’s new home in Pali Hill will cost Rs 4.5 Radias
India’s total annual subsidy on kerosene is Rs 2 Kalmadis
ONGC’s annual output is worth Rs 1.2 Rajas
India’s loss in the 3G scam is approximately Rs 1.7 Rajas
Poor Pramod Mahajan left behind only Rs 1.4 Radias

So what’s your worth?

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Bhagvad Gita – Adhyay 19 : Taught by Ranjan

Bhagvat Gita  Adhyay 19

Arjun: Hey Vasudeva, how can I do the most heinous and unpardonable act of forwarding junk mail that I receive, to my friends, relatives and revered elders? 

Krishna: Paarth, at this moment, none of them is your friend or foe, relative or in-law, young or old and good or evil. You have no escape from following your Net-Dharma. Make haste to log on and send off the junk mail to one and all. That is the only Karma expected of you and Dharma you must follow.

Arjun: Hey Murari! Do not implore me to do something that pricks my conscience and stirs my soul. 

Krishna: O Kunti-Putra, you are caught in the vicious circle of the Maya. In this material world, you are committed to no one except to yourself, your Dharma and your mouse. Junk mail has existed for over 25 years and will remain long after you are gone. Rise above Maya and perform your bounden duty. 

Arjun: Lord Krishna, pray and enlighten me on how junk mail is related to the Maya.

Krishna: Vatsa, junk mail is the 6th element in the universe,  after Aap, Vaayu, Jal, Agni, Aakaash. It is at the same time animate and inanimate, living and dead beat. It overloads the system and fills up the hard disk. But it serves one great purpose. It leads people to believe that they are filling their time in intellectual pursuit by re-forwarding junk mail. It gives them a sense of achievement without investing their intellect and efforts. Like the Atman that leaves one’s physical body and moves on to another, the junk mail moves from system to system and never gets deleted or dies.

Arjun: Great Giridhaari, kindly tell me what the true attributes of junk mail are.

Krishna: Neither fire can burn it, nor air can evaporate it. Neither can it be conquered nor can it be defeated. Junk mail is omnipresent and immortal like your noble and eternal soul. Unlike an arrow shot from your bow, many a time the junk mail forwarded by you, will even return to you safely after some months or even years, allowing you to re-re-forward it to the same people. 

Arjun: Great Saarathi, my salutations to you. You have opened my eyes to the cult of junk mail. I was lost in Maya and have been reading all the junk mail that I keep receiving and doing no other Karma. Now on, I will just press the “Forward” button without reading any of it and send it to all and sundry, friends and foes, relatives and in-laws, young and old. That will surely bring them to their knees in this epochal battle of Good against Evil, in the Kurukshetra. 

Krishna: Arjuna, victory or defeat is not in your hands. Do not ponder over the fruits of your labour. Just keep forwarding junk mail and make one and all go bananas reading it and you will have done your supreme duty. Tathastu. 

Thus Spake
Lord Krishna

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Advice from Association of Retired Persons (AARP)

Forwarded by Ranjan, who should know better as he is on the right side of sixty. Enjoy!


Advice from Association Of Retired People

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be  found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:

“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to   Egypt…”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with  short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep More soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?

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21 things that will happen when the IPL is nationalised‏

1.     The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India
2.     Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate,  Mr Dalit Modi.
3.     The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only  Maharashtrians (preferably Maharshtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohd Kaif.
4.     The Chennai Super Kings team will renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively
5.     Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI  Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc
6.     Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.
7.     Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for be women
8.     Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets
9.     Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized
10.  All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.
11.  IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cell-phone will immediately be withdrawn
12.  Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him
13.  Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.
14.  These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks
15.  IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 p.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability
16.  Between each  innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for  the hearing impaired.
17.  Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed “Krishi Darshan”
18.  There will be no matches on weekends or on national/regional holidays
19.  The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.
20.  Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls (Hindi terms for underhand bowling) to the reserved players.
21.  Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meeet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it

(Don’t laugh. You never know).
From a mail forwarded by Ranjan Mukherji

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Tiger Boundaries

Tigers in sanctuaries to get ID cards, PTI, 8th  October

A turned-away tiger complains to the Supreme Court. Ashish Kothari reports on this strange case from the Maharashtra-Madhya Pradesh border
—————————
In a first case of its kind, but one that many conservationists fear will become commonplace, a tiger from Panna National Park
(Maharashtra) was last week refused entry into the Panna National Park (Madhya Pradesh). The victim of this discrimination has filed a case in the Supreme Court of India, through its counsels in the Wildlife Protection Society of Hindustan (WPSH). She has complained that though she has been frequently going back and forth between the two parks, this time around she was told to turn back by Panna (MP)’s tigers, who asked her to show her ID card, and said that only those issued Panna (MP) IDs could henceforth be allowed in. This follows a move by the National Tiger Conversation Authority (NTCA) to issue IDs to all tigers in India. The petitioner has named not only the Panna (MP) tigers as violating her rights, but also the NTCA for making such violation possible through its ID scheme. Read the rest of this entry »

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50 reasons not to marry a Bengali man

Interesting article from The Telegraph, Calcutta

50 reasons not to marry…

…a Bengali man. Metro explores

1. So much about Bengali men is about food. A significant number of contemporary Bengali men, unlike their forefathers, condemn fish. Excepting ilish, for the men love it too. “I don’t have fish, only ilish,” many men have been heard confessing in a tender moment. Since they love ilish, they will not care if others do so as well. Love makes them blind. The men will have the best peti (belly piece), for they say they are afraid of the kaantas, fishbones. Ilish abounds in them, which makes it a challenge. Women, at some point in their life, learn to tackle the kaantas, but confronting them able-bodied men become bashful and tremble. It pays off. Women are left to work their way through the thick-with-bones gaada pieces and men just sit back and allow the ilish to work on them. Eventually, the women get to liking chewing the bones and they are considered sexy while they are at it — remember the photographer-lover looking at Paroma in the film of the same name?

Anyway, if men won’t have fish, why do they relish the best parts of ilish? You see it rhymes, which is not a coincidence. Ilish is poetry — and Bengali men have exclusive rights over both.

They hog conversations the same way. Read the rest of this entry »

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Why they will never hire me as a Love Guru on Radio City….

The original is published at http://pritisankhla.blogspot.com/2009/08/why-they-will-never-hire-me-as-love.html

The Local FM channel boasts of this two hour program everyday where
people call in this dubious sounding fellow and seek advice for their
love problems (eeeiiikkkksss). He answers these obtuse questions with a
very obvious fake concern and seriousness but plays some good music.

I will never get this job, if I ever do …. Picture this..… Read the rest of this entry »

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Ferrari outsources pit crew

Shared by my friend Adil Nargolwala

Monday, August 31st 2009: Breaking News: Ferrari’s F1 Team has fired its entire pit crew!

The Ferrari team made a very significant announcement, made today from its head quarters at Monza, Italy.

Ferrari has decided to take advantage of India ‘s high unemployment
rate, and hire unemployed Indian youth from the Dharavi slums in
Mumbai.

The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how
they were able to remove a set of wheels from a car parked in the
street in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment. (Ferrari’s
erstwhile crew took more than 8 seconds with the right equipment)

This was thought to be an excellent yet bold move by the Ferrari
management, and, as most races are won & lost in the pits, Ferrari
would have an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari’s expectations were exceeded, as during the crew’s
first practice session; not only were ‘da boyz’ from Mumbai able to
change the tires in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds had re
-sprayed the car, filed off the chassis number and sold the vehicle
over to the McLaren Team!

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